on the last day of 2016

Well, today is the day.

The last day of two thousand and sixteen ((can't help it, I just feel like I have to type it out in words instead of numbers)).

Oh well, what can I say about this year? I can't exactly say that the time flies. Because nope, I actually think that this is a long year. 

For me, it is a year of transition.

I mean, look at myself. I was a university student. I was an intern. 

But today, I am graduated. I have my first real job. And I am now a full-time employee. 

Also, look at myself ((again)). My hair was black and long and I have no bangs.

Today it is faded blue with medium length, and it was curled for a brief moment, which I really lov btw.

Apart of that obvious changes. I still see myself as the same person. I am still the same fili who is ever so jayus, quirky, moody, upbeat, annoying, optimistic, somewhat lazy, somewhat serious, and always always curious.

This year I met with lots of new amazing colleagues turn into friends. I also celebrated 10 year friendship with my wonderful junior high school friends. But, I also lost contact with a couple of my old friends, which is so saddening. I tried to get a hold of them though. But I guess, as people grow and things get busier for each and everyone, it gets harder for you to actually meet with one another. We still keep up with each other through the internet tho.

What else? Ah! This year, instead of reading, I ended up watching too much movies and dramas more than I should/would. This year alone, I have watched: (1) Cheese in the Trap, (2) Descendants of the Sun, (3) Dear My Friends, (4), W-Two World's, (5) 1% of Anything, (6) Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, and (7) Age of Youth. OMG, that's 7 full-length dramas. Ha! But I enjoyed every minute I spent watching the dramas. Might not say so in terms of the aftermath though. Haha.

In terms of love and relationship, well, I was single. And I am still single. Ha! Probably can explain the excessive out of romance drama that I watched this year. Too much daydreaming probably, lol.

Well, since I am typing this on my phone and not on the laptop. Let's end it here. It has been a year of ups and downs. And we'll see, I will probably be writing about my hopes for 2017 next. But for now, this is it.

It is the last day of 2016!

Let's kick it in!

Cheers!

Oo, and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017!

--

Update: Turns out that I can not upload pictures from the Blogger apps on my Android. It kept on failing me so in the end of the day I still have to open my laptop ((my brother's computer in this case)) and hit the publish button from desktop. 

What a fuss because I also have to copy paste what I typed on phone to desktop and send the pictures. What I have thought would be a time-saver ended up wasting a lot of my time. Huff.

on the boy i could only meet in my dream

If we often talk in person or via chat, you might have heard about this story somewhere in between our conversation. So there was this guy, a perfect stranger, I must say.

I was strolling in a mall with my brother and our friends when we entered a clothing store. By that time, our president was famous for the bomber jacket he used during his speech after the demonstration. Right after that, people were gushing over his stylish look and rushing to find the same piece as his. We went to the clothing store for fun.

As I browsed through the clothes and jammed with the music, my eyes caught the eyes of this other beautiful human being who is so so charming. He is tall and thin and gorgeous. I still remember he was wearing a blue bomber jacket and t-shirt with long pants and sneakers. He carried a brown MCM backpack and he had his both his hands tucked inside his jacket's pockets. He has a pale skin and black short hair.

I talked to my girl friend and we both agreed that this guy is daym nice. If only I was by myself, I might act out a Korean drama scene and pretended that we wanted to take the same item. Or maybe I would pretend bumping into him like it was accidental, lol. But no.

Now with no any information of him or whatsoever, how am I supposed to know about his identity right? LOL. So he will forever remain as the charming guy I saw at this certain clothing store.

Of course my memory was not that top notch and I would not be able to remember his face oh so clearly. But, duh, daym gaze so fine i cannot.

Then I had a dream yesterday. My friends said that if you dreamed about it, then it would not happen. Or something in opposite would happen. But I can't help it! I just need to share about this dream, haha!

So, just as any dream, it is never clear where am I and what am I doing. But I am inside a room with white walls, it reminded me of a classroom. There were about 20 people inside, all wearing a white top with darker bottoms.

I was the new kid in that room, so I basically had zero idea what that is. Luckily I was also wearing white or else I would look so different. I stepped inside and the tutor there did a usual introductory for me and asked me to sit down.

Then there is this A5-sized textbook which happened to be a collection of poem written in 12pt serif script. The tutor then asked us to recite the poem. Of course I thought it would be the normal reading the poem out loud. But nope.

Everyone stood up!

And moved the tables aside!

I was like, what the hell?

And then music started playing, and everyone started moving and dancing! Like, seriously? OMG, how am I suppose to know any of the movement? But then, suddenly ((or more like I just realized)) there was a guy standing in front of me, so smoothly and readily helped me and guided me through the dance.

Of course I was ever so clumsy and bumped into everyone in the process. But he quietly guided me so I could avoid bumping more people. He was just there being amazing with his actions and his beautiful gaze. No words, no smiles or nothing.

It was that guy, the same guy I saw in the clothing store.

Or at least that's what I believed in my dream.

And like all dreams, it must come to one end, waking up. So long, my dreams. So long, my beautiful boy. If only I can figure out who you are in real life. I mean, if I can at least know who you are and adore you, it would be enough.

UPDATE!!!

Guess who I saw two days later/?? It is that fckin guy! What the what? Whats going on? I actually saw that person again! And for real, not in my dream.

So a friend of mine just cancelled our plan to go to a mall that day. And so I decided to go by myself. As I strolled around wanted to take the escalator to go up, I looked down to the level below. And I realized that that bag looked familiar. So is that persons vibe and physical appearance, and hairstyle, and I am like 85% sure that it was him! Though I saw him from above so I could not really see his face.

He was by himself. Wearing a different jacket but still with similar navy color. He was wearing long black plants and grey shoes. He was on his gadget while he was also taking the escalator to the floor below.

I was stoned.

Ha, this might sound so dramatic. But I really could not think of anything for a few seconds.

Next thing I knew, I texted my friend in frenzy and tried to talk out the story coherently. My friend told me to chase him lol. And took a picture of him. Maybe, maybe a friend of our friend of our cousin of our colleague might know the identity of this fine human being.

So I went down and tried to look for him. But nope, nowhere to find. I was too late. Too busy with my thoughts. And too star-struck to even think of anything actually.

But this kind of strengthen my hypothesis which are:

1. He might live in Jakarta. At least he was not some kind of tourist or someone who lived out of the city and came here for holiday or work.

2. Sometimes dream do come true. Even if I shared this dream, turns out that what happened was not the opposite! I even got to see him again.

So yeah,

we'll see, if I can meet him again,

and actually know who he is?

I just want to know who this guy is.

That's it.

So, yeah.

on normal days like this

There is nothing particularly sad or extremely wonderful that I want to share today. Today is just a normal day as usual. I feel good for myself, not that negative ((I have since passed my period for this month)) and not majorly positive either. 

If anything that is unusual today, that will be my schedule. I woke up a few minutes before the clock hit 6 o'clock. I got ready in just 30 minutes and ordered an online bike to go out. Even on my weekdays, I could not wake up this early. Haha.

People who knew me from my senior high school days might know me as an early riser. But those who knew me later on my university days would think of the opposite. Haha. 

Back in high school, I used to wake up at 5 o'clock. Got ready in just 30 minutes ((I think I am an expert in getting ready fast on weekdays and slow on weekends, lol)) and then went to school. My home is actually not that far from my school, but the traffic can be very annoying at times because the road is not that wide. So my father insisted I should come early. 

While the school started at 06.30 AM -- now that I think about it, it was very early -- I could have been in school at 05.40 or 05.50 AM the latest. The advantage is that I could buy some breakfast when they were still fresh. There is a nasi uduk or coconut rice that is really really delicious and cheap that sold out fast. So, going to the stall early can guarantee me a portion of this scrumptious nasi uduk.

I also became friends with the school janitors. Sometimes when I arrived, the classes are still locked, so I will wait for one of them to open the class. I also became friends with some of the street sellers and canteen owner because I bought their stuffs super early. Yep, it was really that quiet by the time I arrived to school. Haha.

But, if there was anything that really loved from going so early to school, is looking at the sky. One of my ongoing obsession is anything related to the sky and clouds. Be it the blue morning sky, orange-ish evening sunset, the beautiful golden hour, the starry night, I always love looking up and adoring the grand masterpiece of this universe.

Because my father was worried if I went to my class by myself that early, he always asked me to wait downstairs first until my friend came one by one. So I usually sat on the chair on the first floor of my high school and just saw the sky for 5 or 10 minutes. Back then, social media was not that big. I only used Blackberry Messenger and Twitter, I guess. Even Instagram was only available for iPhone user! haha.

So, watching the sky was a very very relaxing moment. But, let me tell you a SECRET! The sky is the most beautiful before 6 AM. The weather too! Even in the hot hot Jakarta, I could manage to get some chill early in the mornings. 

Ah, those beautiful mornings were definitely amazing memories to be treasured.

As I grew older, my schedule was not as strict as high school. In university year, the classes are super random and spread throughout the day. Instead of continuing the morning habit, I shifted to become a night owl.

Especially with my condition as a graphic design student, I tend to stay up late and slept at dawn. How could I even wake up at 5 AM, you tell me? Haha.

But today,

Today I woke up earlier than usual, collected all my energy and pulled my ass off the bedroom to get up. I had work to do at 7 AM and my house is a bit far from the workplace. As I rode a bike to my destination, it was already 06.40 AM, but the breeze still left me a bit of chill, and the sky was still so pretty.

I haven't seen such beautiful sky for quite some times. But seeing the layers of fluffy white clouds upon the clear blue sky, I felt so blissful. I felt happy, just because of the beautiful sky. I kept on looking up and I just can't help it but felt so grateful to be able to live, to be able to breathe in a good air, star such a wonderful sky and feel so alive again.

It is such a small thing in life for some, but for me, it is such a mood booster. I tried to take some pictures, but I can only secure this one while on the red light. It is much more beautiful in real life! This one is unfiltered anyway, because, I chose not to. 

By the afternoon, I got a bit sleepy. I had just slept for 5 hours after all. But when I thought about how amazing the sky was this morning, I didn't regret waking up that early. Also, there are free coffee that I happily sipped in.

Ah, as always, my writing always ended up being longer than I planned. I just wanted to talk about the sky this morning but ended up being nostalgic about the past, haha.

Does this motivate me to wake up earlier in near future? 

Honestly, I don't think so. haha. But if I ever had a bad day and need to cure it, maybe I can force myself to wake up earlier in the morning and go out and just feel the air and see the sky. 

Do you have the same obsession with sky like me? :)

P,s, Yes, the 'flying' from 'flyingfili' also came from the same obsession. My wish is to be able to fly and touch the sky for real.

on moving forward with your life

It's been an hour since I sat down inside this cozy coffee shop located in between the west and southern part of Jakarta. In the span of that 60 minutes, I have finished a glass of blended ice coffee and and read numerous articles and blogs on the internet world. Not very interesting, I must say.

Tonight, I am by myself. One part because I have no plans with anyone today, no one invited me to go anywhere and I did not send out any invitation either. One part I just want to be by myself today and write and be productive. One part I am still on my period and the menstrual hormone can be scary. 

Another hour has passed while I was backtracking my twits. I usually had a couple of tweets that I retweeted from my phone to be read on my desktop later. And I have just ordered french fries before I got back to this post again.

Now, instead of describing my literal current state, I am going to just describe about my ongoing current state.

For people who have known me long enough or if they stalked me diligently, they might have known about my situation. But for people who I just met during recent years ((and are not as nosy as me)), they might have no clue about my story.

on breaking promises and making assumption

I am so mad right now, like so SOOO MAD. I feel like if I did not write this down sooner, I might end up being super pissed off for a long time and become very negative. So let me try to write down my feelings and hopefully be more sane after that. 

I don't know if it is because I am a very very sensitive person or if it is my menstrual hormone or I think it is the combination of both that makes me become super duper hyper ultra sensitive.

Ah, I really don't know how to start this writing. 

So, okay, do you go out a lot? It can be just hanging out to the bookstore or the boutique or grabbing a dinner after work or just watching the movie on weekends. It is something that I do frequently and I enjoy doing. In process, I also liked to invite some of my friends to join me. And they usually said 'yes' to my invitation.

But,

BUT

Intermezzo // 06

Uh oh! More than a week of no writing?! How come? 

Its part lazy-ness and part busy-ness.

So, a couple of new stuffs that was happening lately and some stuffs I had in mind:

1. SHINee is coming to Jakarta in less than a month!!! Today marks the online ticket sale and here I am still contemplating if I should watch it or not.
2. I am loving Dean more and more and more. Thanks to him, I am also researching about Club Eskimo and Fanxychild.
3. And his produced song "Ain't Got Nobody" for Unpretty Rapstar 3 has been in my mind all week long.
4. I went to Bandung last weekend.
5. And I was planning to make a photolog from my phone pictures. I am learning to take more pictures instead of just Snapchat-ing. Snapchat is super fun. But in a way, the pictures are going to disappear in 24 hours. I need to save my pictures so I can have things to look back in the future.
6. I finished the drama "W" starring Lee Jong Suk and Han Hyo Joo. But I have not had the time to talk about it yet.
7. I have not got a time to actually do something for my main blog, I am super lazy in editing pictures, but I really want to bring the blog back, so I guess I really have to start sparing some time to work on it.
8. I love reading this social experiment by Jessica Walsh and Tim Goodman called "12 Kinds of Kindness." They have previously worked together for "40 Days of Dating" which I have not read up til today.
9. There's a topic I have had in my mind lately about insecurity, jealousy and overall negative emotion I have as human being. But it is going to take a bit longer to write, so I am going to jot it down here first so I will not forget.
10. Oh, after almost 2 months, I am also back in Instagram. Hooray!

So, that's it for now, I guess, I really really want to watch Dean in Unpretty Rapstar for now, so, see you in the next post, yes?

Love Yourself

I just got a haircut yesterday. Part of it because my bleached and dyed hair has been very very dry and unhealthy. Other part of it because my hair had been dirty and I was too lazy to wash so there I had two excuses to get a haircut. Lol.

This year I guess is a year of change for me in terms of my look. Talk about the hair dye, it was already a very bold decision with huge impact. People were shocked. And I felt weird when I first had it too. But I like it more each day while I hate taking care of it at the same time. Haha.

Dyed hair just required so much care and effort that I had no time to deal with, that's why it is becoming unhealthy. I only care to use hair oil everyday, because if not, I could not even comb it down huhu. I only had a creambath with hair vitamin once and that's it. I wasn't even having creambath for the sake of my hair but for my dizzy head and aching body.

I think the last time I had a haircut this short is when I was in junior high school. It was actually not that short, but since it was curled, it looks shorter and surprisingly, I loved it.

Besides hair, this year I am taking care of my face more. My younger self would not even have a clue the difference between one makeup and another. Like what the hell is concealer or primer? I just knew BB Cream and that's it. Okay, lipstick maybe, but I used to hate it, lol. I also had to rely on my other friends to help me do the makeup when I had special occasion. So, thank you to those of you who had helped me all along.

Learning makeup is a lot of trial and error. I still used a lot of drugstore makeup and still feel nggak rela to buy more high-end products like Korean makeup or American makeup. I also tried buying makeup online and the downside is, you do not really know how the shade will look like. I ended up buying BB Cream which shade didn't work on my face so I gave it to a friend.

Also, makeup is pretty expensive. For me at least. If you love makeup, maybe you would not feel that way. But I am just slowly learning and liking it so it's a lot of money to invest on. Especially because I am still figuring out which makeup would suit my face.

The thing is, I am a super curious person. I barely stick to one product and call it my holy grail. I just like buying new products and try it on. Even if sometimes it is not that suitable for me, I would not have a heart to just throw it away. I will have to finish it before I can buy another new one. So yeah, that's why it's a slow learning process.

But at least, now I know how to draw my brows ((thanks Etude eyebrow pencil, you safe my life!)). I naturally have a thin eyebrow and super okay with it, but it really showed when I took pictures haha. So my friends like to help me draw my brows every now and then. I still like it more subtle and not super thick, but at least it is there now haha.

I have learned that liquid eyeliner is such a pain. It's better to use the pencil type. But I still have not figured out why it got smudged so easily. I have tried 2-3 brands and have not found the perfect one yet.

I have learned to use primer before applying on makeup. Though I still don't see what's the difference. Also, I purchased blush on a couple of weeks ago and I have been loving it. But I have not bought any brushes yet, so I just use my fingers. ((I know, you can judge me, but brushes are expensive, huhu))

I still need to learn eye makeup, I have seen people's face changed thanks to eye shadow and liner, I have yet to experiment and see what works best on my face. I still have a long way to go for contour and highlight, mainly because I am also super lazy, ha!

Also, it's time to also care about the face skin care. Sometimes I just wash my face with facial foam and not removing it with makeup remover first. Some other times I fell asleep without even washing my face because I was exhausted. Oh my God, haha. 

Today I will be going to a mall and look for facial wash and skincare. I used to just buy random drugstore products and never really care about the result. I think it's time I actually take care about it. Dear face, sorry I have not been taking care of you all these years. It's now time for you to shineeee! Lol.

But given the fact that I am super like emak-emak who wants to save every single penny, I will need to compare the price before deciding to buy. Drugstore facial wash is relatively cheap and that's why, I will have to think several times before investing on my next skincare that might be 5x more expensive. But hopefully the price won't lie.

Aduh, kakiku kesemutan.

Also, I didn't know that I am going to rant this long just to talk about my hair and face lol. I think one of the reasons why I am getting more interested in makeup and skincare is because I watched lots of Youtube videos from beauty vlogger. Uh, damn you guys. It's positive in a way that I got to know their reviews and learn about many things. But it also made me want to buy lots of products haha.

Another reason is probably because I know have some friends to talk about this girly thing. I mean, some of my friends in university were just like me who were clueless about makeup. But now that we are all learning, we can share information with each other hehe.

Okay, I think I will stop for now before it gets any longer.

Have a nice weekend.

Paradox

She is a paradox

One moment she said yes

Next moment she said no

She is a paradox

She allowed people to do things

But when the things are done

She told you the opposite

She is a paradox

One moment a thought come to her mind

And she voiced it out

Next moment an opposite thought come to her mind

And she voiced it out

She is a paradox

For when you asked

Which one is better

"I'm confused"

She said

She is a paradox

For she made decision so quickly

And judge people so easily

Yet she convinced you to think carefully

And to never judge

She is a paradox

For she easily got influenced

When she should have believed

in herself

She is a paradox

For she knew how long it took

Yet she shut her eye

And she closed her ears

She is a paradox

For thinking that everything is so simple

When she knew very well

How complicated it is

She is a paradox

For she thought you are not doing anything

When you have sacrificed your weekend

And lend her an extra hand

She is a paradox

For she thought that you are a paradox

When she herself

is a paradox

Filicia

October 2016

Work Hard, Play Hard

If there is any phrase that I am living as my mantra, I think it would be "Work Hard, Play Hard", for now at least. Some who have known me long enough should have understood this philosophy of mine because I can go and play until midnight but I would also work my ass off to finish my project and make sure it is done well not halfheartedly.

Just last weekend, I went to my company outing in a very beautiful place in Sukabumi. The place is called Kampoeng Padi and truthfully, it was quite a pain to go there. The road is small and winding and I was a bit dizzy during the drive. 

We gathered early in the morning and left at 05.30 AM to arrive about 5 hours later which I expected. We arrived in the rafting site and had a little break. Then when my colleagues go rafting, I just sat there and read my book and enjoyed life. I am scared of water and the depth so I chose not to go rafting.

Then when they had finished rafting, we had our lunch there which was very delicious. The chili is so good, mainly because they are not spicy ((I can't stand spiciness)). We then went to the villa which took us another hour and arrived there safe and sound.

My first impression, it's soooo BEAUTIFUL! And it is sooo Indonesian. Everything is so green and gorgeous. There are lots of natural element in this place with the touch of woods, brick, stone, everything blends so well. 

We had another break before we were assigned to our room. Luckily the girls got to stay in the private villa which is spread around the Kampoeng Padi area. For the boys, they had to walk a little to the upper side to another villa called Kampoeng Singkong. There are only a couple of rooms there with dozen of beds inside each room.

As for me and the other ladies, we got to enjoy our own villa with 3 to 5 people in each place. Each of the villa has different concept and number of people to stay. But what I can say that each of them are very beautiful. Also, there is no aircon there because the weather itself is pretty chill already and it gets colder at night.

After a bit of rest, we went back to the dining area, had an introduction and ice breaking game and then proceed to a little speech from our boss. We also got to celebrate the company's first anniversary ((which honestly moved my heart, awww)). Then we had our dinner with tumpeng, meatball soup, barbeque and cake. 

Oh, we were supposed to have a volley tournament that evening when we have arrived, too bad the weather is not very good so it has to be cancelled. Right after dinner, we went to Kampoeng Singkong and had another tournament. We played cards ((capsa)) and table tennis there. I went for capsa and lost lol. I watched the table tennis tournament and it was fun! There were laughter, cheers and a lot of tense for the players haha. In the end my group won the third place. Ulala.

As the tournament finished, me and some colleagues went on to play Exploding Kitten. It is a game played with cards and it was really fun! We played three times and in the last round I won dramatically, with no cards in hand and 2 bombs out of 3 remaining cards in the deck. So it was a good win hehe.

We went back to the villa and the road was really -literally- dark. But even with that amount of darkness, I can not see any stars huhu. I gossiped a little bit with my roommate then we had a good good sleep in a big comfy mattress.

Waking up the next morning is a bliss. The bed is too comfortable, I did not really want to wake up haha. By the time I finished showering and went to the dining area, it is almost 10 AM already so it is basically brunch and not breakfast anymore. We did a couple of bread experiment with jam and toaster and even chicken and we uselessly became full lol.

Oh, there is this fusbol game in the dining area which I instantly love to play with my colleagues. It's fun and crazy with lots of OOHs and AAHs and HOORAYs. We ended up requesting the game in the office.

After brunch, I explored the villa a bit with the others and take turns to take pictures. Every spot is beautiful and so serene. They also had this small swimming pool in front of the dining area. Since we had no time to play with the water we just dip our feet and surprisingly the water is cool even though the sun is right above us. The sun is blazing but the weather is not that hot since the wind is pretty cool and breezy.

About noon, a cincau cart appeared and I was so soooo happy. The day before I mentioned to my friend that I to drink something cold and sweet and then it was there! Yay. Also, I really loved cincau ijo. So good, so refreshing. Aaaa, what a good life really.

Then the lunch is served and I was still a bit full by that time. But man, can't resist food that good haha. So I ate anyway. And have I mentioned the food there is so good? and so generous? My oh my.

After lunch, sadly we had to leave huhu. We took some pictures and bid goodbye to this sweet escape. The drive back to Jakarta was not a smooth one. When we reached around Bogor, the bus  that I sat in broke down! Luckily we took two buses so we can move to another bus but we had to wait for like another 20 minutes to move there.

Some of us even had to stand up or sat closely so we could fit three people into two seat. But it's better than having to wait for another bus because we were in the middle of a highway. In total, it took almost seven hours to go back since there were traffic.

Oh well, this story ended up super long and super descriptive. But at least I did not postpone this until like weeks or months later to be written haha. If I postponed it too long, I usually ended up being lazy and not writing it which is quite a bum. But then, I am super lazy with photo editing so I just edited these photos with my VSCO and copy-paste the edits, lol.

Anyway, the joint blog that I made with my friends is still on the revamping process and we are both so busy, that's why I did not know if it is going to go live anytime soon or not. Let's hope that we can clear our schedule a bit and work on it. Also, one more thing, I start thinking that this blog is so messy so I will find some time to clean it up haha.

Okay, nuff ranting.

Time to sleep.

Nighty night!

Australia

Do you dream in your sleep? I sometimes have a dream if I was woken up and fell back to sleep shortly after.

Last night / this morning, I had a dream of my mom and dad. We were chilling in what used to be their bedroom with the air-con and the TV on. That's when my mom got a call from my aunt -- which is not unusual since they use to talk on the phone almost everyday -- and she picked up. I heard them mentioning like my mom got into the next round of somewhat singing competition ((she had a very beautiful voice, I swear))

But then she said she was not planning to proceed with the competition anymore because it coincided with my mom and dad's trip to Australia. I think the plan was like in December.

Haha, so I just imagined that the two of them going to Australia, having a good quality time together. They are going to stroll around the Opera House, take pictures and probably send them to me via WhatsApp or LINE ((because we love hilarious stickers)). They will most certainly not forget to buy souvenir for me and my brothers ranging from chocolates and t-shirt with Aussie words on it. Also, they would not let a day slide calling and checking on us, like wondering why I have not gone home from the office or if we have eaten lunch yet and something trivial like that.

Oh, how I miss you both.

We'll see, I hope you guys are making good plans for your Australia trip in two months. It might be probably easier to travel from up there. Take your time planning and traveling the world.

;)

On Writing

This month ((and hopefully for the rest of the year)), I made it my goal to write more in a creative sense. Now that I am working in the digital industry as a copywriter, everything works so quickly. Demands are high and the goals keep increasing. I am adapting with the pace and so far I have been keeping up with it.

But then, the thing about writing for work is that there are certain boundaries that I have to follow. There is theme that has been set and there are only so much that I can talk. Of course, I did have my own portion of creative process. But everything has to be planned and has to be written in a way to create more engagement.

Here in the space owned by me and me only, I want my writing to be raw, to be honest and to have my own boundaries. I do not care about engagement, I do not care if people are going to read what I wrote or not. I just care that I have a channel to express myself.

With that said, I am going to write about anything. About stuffs that is happening in my life, the K-pop new release that I enjoy listening, the K-drama I wish was real, about the dream I had last night, about the fantasy stories I had in mind, anything really.

Can I write everyday from today to the rest of the year? No, I'm not sure. I will try to write everyday but it might slow down during weekends or holidays. I wanted to make it a habit to write on a certain time everyday, but I am still not sure about it.

So, I guess that's it for now? The things is, I do enjoy writing so much and I want to write not only for people first but also for myself first. Also, talking about writing and stuffs, I have not been updating my blog and my instagram due to my busy-ness. Now there are Path and Snapchat, but I want to keep my memories and cherish it in the future. So with just 20 minutes every night, I hope I can make these writings as a keepsake :)

things in life that i have been contemplating

she was a naive little girl

and she is still a naive young lady

she wonders

how it feels to love

and how it feels to be loved back

she wonders

if after all this time

it is the butterflies in her stomach

that makes her

smile more

laugh more

she wonders

if after all this time

he felt the same thing as well

she wonders

if there will come the day

they hold hand

exchange hug

share kisses

and live

happily ever after

---

a 5-minute poem
in one random afternoon
early August 2016
with blurry vision

Self-Reminder

This week, as I embark on a new journey for myself, I just want to remind myself to stay true to my passion, to remember my dreams and to keep on moving forward to reach it. Life is full of surprises and I can never predict when or where my life will give me another surprise. So I will enjoy it while it lasts, have some fun, stay positive and never ever stop learning. 

I am thankful for the things I have right now and I am looking forward to what the future holds for me. 

P.s. Happy Birthday, Roy Kim!

I still like you even with your weird ugly short bangs haircut.

And you are still the dream I remember everyday.

Happy 8th Anniversary, SHINee

Dear SHINee ((and fellow SHINee World out there)),

I know I am a week late, but it has been on my mind all month and I have been itching to write my greetings for your 8th anniversary. I am sorry that I have just got a chance to finally write it down, but as always, it came from the deepest and most sincere heart of mine.

For the past eight years, saying that I have seen you guys grow up a lot is an understatement. We have all grown up together. I have seen you since the debut era, I still remember your first variety show "Yunhanam" ((Younger Boyfriend)) and I still miss Jung Yoogeun and the fatherly side of Minho and Key every now and then.

I still remember loving "Amigo" so so much and especially this performance that I will never ever forget. I remember the excitement when Jonghyun joined twitter or when Key joined instagram even back then when Minho updated SHINee's me2day every now and then. This year, the five of you have grown not only as a group but as an individual artist yourselves.

Onew, you are such a great leader and I know you will forever be. We have seen you play in musical for the past years and this year, we saw you as a new and highly praised actor. The way you portray Lee Chi Hoon as the young and generous doctor is so wonderful. Especially on times that you cry your heart out, it touched my heart as well. Next year, I am hoping that you got your turn to have a solo debut and sing your favorite tune or release the jam and bread song ^^ I hope seeing more of the Onew Sangtae ((Onew condition)), your ttakbam, and actor Onew, and singer Onew, and also Onew with chicken lol.

Jonghyun, I am so proud of you and how you have established yourself not just as an idol singer but also a songwriter. You are a true artist and a great performer and I can't be happier to call myself your biggest fan and supporter. I am amazed by your delicate voice and soulful performance. I love your wit and your sense for the social issue. I am thankful for radio show like "Blue Night" and TV show like "Monthly Live Connection" that help us witness your writing process. You also had a solo concert which I would have totally gone if I live in South Korea. I am thankful for SM for the chance for you to grow as an artist to release songs not only to gain profit but to become closer to your fans and to inspire the people around you. I love your albums from "Base" to "Story Op.1" to "She is" and still got amazed for songs you created for other artists. Next year, I wish you will write more songs and sing more songs and be more creative. Even if you had a slump, I hope you can quickly recover and get back to what you are always passionate about.

Key, oh Kim Kibum, you lovely firecracker. I always admire your fashion style and how vocal you are about your personality. After playing numerous musical, you challenge yourself for a theater play in "Save the Green Planet". You even become a brand ambassador for Jill Stuart and further establish your position as a fashionable idol as a special editor for Elle Korea. You appeared in "My Little Television" and even if I have just watched a bit of them, I am so happy you got your own broadcast. Next year, I wish you would be designing fashion pieces and appear on more variety shows because you are so fun to watch. I hope many more people will appreciate your creative taste in fashion.

Minho, my bias and my handsome oppa, this year too, you challenge yourself on becoming a better actor. Honestly, I am not a big fan of your acting but I will keep on supporting you and I know that one day you will be a one fine actor. You have always been acting on television and this year you took it to the big screen. I hope your movie receive a good response and become a good experience for you. I am looking forward to your new drama "Hwarang" and hope it will do well and further develop your acting with the fellow actors you are working with. I also pray that you will write more raps for future SHINee songs and appear in another variety or show again. I remember how you used to be so quiet and then you become an MC for music shows and become a fix cast for "Dream Team". Next year, I hope you got a chance to develop more in any aspect of entertainment. If you love acting, I hope you continue pursuing it, and I hope you will write more raps for SHINee songs. 

Taemin, the maknae who is no longer that cutie pie. We have all seen you transformed from a cute mushroom-haired boy into a gorgeous masculine man. You break the stereotype of being the 'dancer' of the group and prove everyone that you are also a great singer, even a great performer. You have a unique taste in music and I adore how you become an original Taemin yourself and not a copy of any of your idol. I love your witty personality and how you joked with your hyungdeul. Next year, I hope you continue growing and showing us an interesting side of yours. Who knows that you might be the one who choreographed the dance for SHINee or yourself too?

SHINee, the past years, you have always been my mood booster and the reason why I still hang on to K-pop. I still got excited everytime I see the news about any of you and even better about SHINee altogether. I am proud about all your achievements and how you guys have promoted in Japan. I have not been very loyal about your Japanese promotion as much as I follow your Korean promotion, but I will always keep on supporting the five of you no matter what.

I wish all of you will stay together for a long long time as SHINee. I wish you all to grow together as a group and individually and to always have the passion and love for singing and performing. I wish you guys will be strayed away from scandals and gossips and bad things. I wish you guys to take a rest every now and then and not to drain yourselves. After all, being healthy is the top priority. I wish ideas and creativity will always spark to you and your team so you guys can keep on producing and performing contents with great quality.

Thank you SM Entertainment for finding the talents in these five young men back then and letting them debut together and giving them chances to explore the creative sides of themselves. Thank you SHINee for debuting so young and sacrificing your youth to become a prominent idol group you guys are today. Thank you for not giving up on your dreams and staying true to yourselves all these years. Thank you for debuting as SHINee and making me a SHINee World. Thank you for bringing colors to SHINee as five amazing men and bringing colors to SHINee World as one wonderful SHINee. 

I know I am not the only one, and I sincerely hope that SHINee will last until as long as you could, with no changing member. I believe that SHINee World are okay with your individual activities as long as the five of you, Onew, Jonghyun, Key, Minho and Taemin stay together as SHINee. 

It says that the name SHINee means the one receiving the light. But I think it is us, SHINee World who received so much light and hope from SHINee. I love you and I am forever grateful to call myself as a SHINee World.

Happy 8th Anniversary, SHINee!

Rangga dan Impian Masa Remaja

Beberapa minggu terakhir, sedang semangat-semangatnya menulis. Kalau tidak sempat menulis disini, saya selalu menulis di caption Instagram, di moment Path, di Twitter atau paling banter di kepala. Duh, kalau di kepala sih sudah banyak sekali yang ingin ditulis, tapi saking banyaknya, harus menunggu satu per satu.

Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya nonton Ada Apa dengan Cinta  (AADC 2?), sebuah film yang sudah sempat vakum 14 tahun lamanya. Hm, apa ya istilahnya, bukan vakum sih. Saat AADC pertama muncul, saya masih umur 8 tahun. Saya nonton beberapa tahun kemudian, saat SMP sepertinya, atau SMA ya? Sepertinya nonton di televisi sih, karena saat itu internet belum secepat dan semudah sekarang.

Waktu saya menonton, dan mencapai bagian ending-nya, yaudah saya cuma bisa berangan-angan Cinta dan Rangga pada akhirnya bisa bersatu. Semakin saya besar, saya rasa ya sudahlah, mungkin Cinta sama Rangga itu cuma cinta monyet. Setelah Rangga ke New York dan Cinta tetap di Jakarta, yaudah jalanin hidup masing-masing, atau mungkin sempet jalan sebentar tapi Cinta-nya nggak tahan LDR-an.

Tapi kemudian dua tahun yang lalu, LINE dengan brilian-nya ngumpulin Geng Mading sama Rangga lewat fitur LINE Alumni dan mempertemukan Cinta sama Rangga. Saya rasa, film pendek itu turut berkontribusi besar untuk meningkatkan hype-nya AADC lagi. Mulailah banyak orang yang menonton ulang AADC ((termasuk saya)) dan mulailah banyak orang yang mempertanyakan gimana kelanjutan kehidupan asmara Cinta dan Rangga. 

14 tahun. Setelah 14 tahun lamanya, barulah akhirnya kita mengetahui bagaimana kelanjutan kisah mereka. Saya nggak mau bilang akhir kisah karena, bisa saja kisah itu terus berlanjut, dalam bayang-bayang di kepala kita atau mungkin bayang-bayang produser lain yang bermaksud menggarap spin-off ceritanya.

Saya nggak mau terlalu banyak bahas tentang film-nya, tapi saya mau bilang satu hal, saya suka. Meskipun ada beberapa part yang missing dan saya pertanyakan, tapi saya tetap suka. Semua karakternya masih sama, sifat mereka dari SMA tidak banyak yang berubah dan senangnya karena semua pemainnya tetap sama. Sedihnya karena cerita AADC2 dan AADC di LINE nggak berkesinambungan. Saya pikir bakal ada korelasinya, tapi ternyata lebih seperti ada parallel world gitu. AADC 12 tahun kemudian versi LINE dan AADC2 14 tahun kemudian versi produser aslinya.

Meskipun Rangga sosoknya galau abis-abisan, dan Cinta anaknya drama banget ((mungkin bisa jadi itu yang bikin mereka cocok ya haha)), tapi sejujurnya Rangga itu tipe lelaki yang memikat saya. Rangga yang dulu SMA maupun Rangga yang kini sudah lebih tua.

Saya selalu bayangin kalau suatu saat nanti jalan dengan pasangan ke tempat-tempat yang nggak biasa seperti itu. Pergi ke pasar buku bekas dan hunting buku bareng ((walaupun beda genre)), pergi ke galeri dan bahas soal karya-karya disana, pergi ke kedai kopi sambil duduk lesehan leyeh-leyeh, travelling ke tempat yang nggak biasa untuk mengejar matahari terbit, menonton pertunjukkan teater, dan hal-hal absurd lainnya yang lebih dari sebatas pergi ke mal atau kafe atau bioskop seperti umumnya anak muda jaman sekarang.

Tapi sampai sekarang, kok belum ya saya ketemu lelaki macam Rangga yang rasanya bakal nyambung banget kalau saya ajak pergi kemana-mana dan ngobrolin ini itu ((minus K-pop mungkin, kayaknya dia bakal mencibir dan menertawakan saya haha)). Apalagi saya bayangin kalau kita ke acara bazar buku macam Big Bad Wolf bareng-bareng, waaaah, kayaknya kita bisa kalap dan gila sama-sama deh HAHAHA.

yaudah tuh kan, saya ujung-ujungnya mengawang-awang dan bermimpi-mimpi menemukan sosok semacam Rangga minus kegalauan dan ke-cool-annya yang berle. haha. tapi sumpah ya, saya bakal girang banget kalau orang kasih saya hadiah puisi yang dia tulis sendiri, dibandingkan beliin barang aneh-aneh yang fancy dan ujungnya nggak terpakai. Saya anaknya terlalu sentimentil sih :')

Tambahan lagi, saya suka banget sama soundtrack AADC2 ini. Melly Goeslaw memang kalau bikin soundtrack film itu, keren-keren sekali ya. Terus yang musik rap di Jogja itu, waaah, baru pertama kali menderngar musik upbeat tapi menggunakan bahasa daerah dan menurut saya menarik banget.

Gimana menurut pendapat teman-teman yang sudah pada nonton AADC2? Do you like it?

Meeting the Cha Cha Cha Siblings

Since it's the long weekend right now, I can laze around a bit, even though, well, actually there are so many things I have to do that is job related and there are also so many books i want to read and a drama i want to start ((Descendants of the Sun!!!)) But I have been in the mood of watching variety show lately.

Each week, my regular show will be Hello Counselor. I just love love love it so much. Most of the times, I will also watch The Return of Superman, This afternoon, after watching the latest Hello Counselor while eating my lunch, I saw the thumbnail of Cha Taehyun and his kids on the suggested video. I clicked it after I finished with Hello Counselor and has had a good laugh after that.

Even though I am not a regular viewer of 2 Days 1 Night, I watched it every now and then, especially because of the guests ^^ haha, and also the bond between the cast member and the PD-nim. I think they are just hilarious especially with the PD and staffs making appearance every now and then.

Anyway, this episode after they part with Kim Joohyuk who left the show, they invited special guests to the show which are none other than Taehyun's kids. I have seen them a couple of times in 2d1n as well and they are soooo adorable.

His oldest kid, the boy Suchan is very witty and smart and full of energy! He often made comments that cracked me up and he is very nice as well. I love how he keeps on getting food during the lunch for the uncles. Her second child, Taeeun is soooo adorable and girly, she laughs on almost everything and doesn't really throw a fit. Sujin showed up in the beginning of the show and she is such a cutie pie. Also, it's so lovely seeing how Suchan cared for his sisters when their dad is gone for awhile to return the chicks.

Speaking of chicks, Suchan is so determined to eat chicken that day hahaha. From raising the chick into chickens and getting a chicken into a fire lol. I am just in the first part now, and I think I will marathon many 2d1n past episodes as well. I am thinking of watching The Return of Superman when Taehyun's daughters had a playdate with Uhm Taewoong's daughter, Jion.

Also, as the only member of 2d1n who has had a family, I gotta say I adore Taehyun so much. I think he is such a family-man. And even though he seemed to take care about his daughters more because they are younger, I think he is a nice father. I saw in the internet that he married his high school sweetheart who is now a mother of his three children and I think that is kind of sweet :'>

thirteen that feels like seventeen

So, in between waiting for the feedback of my design work-in-progress, I decided to watch a couple of the special stage from the 500th episode of Show! Music Core. I started by watching BtoB's performance of "You're the Best" and Mamamoo performing "It's Okay". Yes, they are exchanging songs and that's kind of adorable. I then watched the rookie perform "Growl" and after that UP10TION with the Boy Group Medley.

It is only natural that I clicked into the Girl Group Medley. I am 100% sure that I read the word SEVENTEEN beside the title. But seeing the thumbnail, my mind kind of deceived me to think that the boy there is Ren from Nu'est! That's why when the song started, I was like, what the? who are these people, they are not Nu'est? And then I remembered again that they are SEVENTEEN hahahhaa.

So, I am actually not that super big fan of SEVENTEEN ((yet, because who knows if I change my mind after this)). I do listen to their song like "Mansae" and "Adore U" but that's it. Also, don't ask me which member is which because I certainly can not tell. But I do know Vernon because of his appearance in Show Me the Money.

Anyhow, there are like thirteen of them ((only one more person from original EXO members for comparison)) but the stage looks extremely chaotic - in a funny way. I mean like, their performance are pretty good but they look like super crowded. haha, maybe because they are not singing their own song. Also, oh god, I cringed when they sang "I Scream, You Scream" lol.

Ah, this post should have been posted last week, but I have another job that has to be finished so this post is buried in the draft. I guess that I might as well post this before I forgot.

I just want to

write.

write.

write.

write.

write.

write.

write.

write.

write.

write.

But I can not seem to find the time to write properly yet. So, I guess I can only just ramble here, at least I do not have to worry about this having to be "perfect" or to be accompanied with pictures and whatnot. It's crazy how I feel like I have so much times but I can't seem to finish anything at all.

The moment I rest a bit, it last for a long time. The moment I tried to get things done, time goes by. And the things are not even done yet. I just, duh, it's just that I still can not find the best rhythm for me to work. So for now I can only write my thoughts here and in Instagram.

Also, I am looking forward to play Steller. But my phone can not support it yet. So for now, I'd have to borrow my brother's phone to browse for the stories and to to grasp the "feel" of this newly built community. Maybe if I had got the feel, if my phone had supported, and if my time had allowed me, I will try to jump into Steller. 

I just can't figure out yet how to differentiate what I wrote in blog, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, issuu and then Steller. This apps seem to be a mix of a little bit this and that. I mean like, of course I can post the same thing, but maybe I can try to figure out another way to use this apps and have fun. 

So, how do you use your Steller guys?

things in life that keeps me going

Walk.

It's something that I have been doing since I was very young. I walked everywhere, from my school to home, from bus station to mall, from university to dorm, from places to places. It is something that I enjoy doing even though it can be tiring sometimes when I brought lots of stuffs with me.

Think.

When walking around, it is a bit difficult to do another activity because you have to keep on moving. So I love to observe people around me, I love to think about this and that. From my childhood memories, stuffs that have to be done, my future plans, my to-do list for the day, food that I want to eat, people that I adore, etc.

Yesterday.

I was still busy working on my thesis when I walked from the bus station to a mall I frequently visit. That's when I notice this beautiful sky. And it comes in Rose Quartz and Serenity, two colors that I have been working on. And it may sound silly but my heart instantly felt so light. It is like the universe saying to me that it is supporting me on what I am working and it is helping me to color my ((thesis)) life.

Perspective.

I said this to my friend a few days ago, "It's only a matter of perspective". And it really is. It is the matter of how we see life and how we appreciate every single thing that life offers to us. It is to not take something for granted. I get to wake up everyday. The thinking process happens everyday. I walk everyday. The sky is there everyday. And I am thankful for all that. -

I do not have any intention to write ((type)) a caption this long, but it just sort of happen so, yeah.

- - -

Text written on 2016.03.19

Photo taken on 2016.03.18