Sunday, June 18, 2017

on feeling lonely and being okay with it ((even if you're not))

me, january 2017, selasar sunaryo bandung, picture taken by tania

I remember during one of my visual communication design class back in university, we were having this personal branding project. As part of the brainstorming, we were asked to find some keywords to represent ourselves. 

I remember coming up with words like creative and positive ((thinker)). Since it was kind of an open discussion, my lecturer threw the question to my classmates and asked them how they would describe me.

I remember the only foreigner in our class, who I was not even close with, come up with the word, 'strong' which my lecturer quickly agreed on. 

I remember being so surprised, because for one, he is not a very good English speaker. I thought he was going to say some general adjectives like nice or kind or good. But to have him come up with the term 'strong', truly surprised me. Two, we were not even that close because of the language barrier. But, he seemed to even understand his classmates and surroundings which made me so touched. Three, I could not even think of that word on that time. I did not want to sound like I am boasting or what. I knew I am a tough cookie, but it just did not got into my brain until someone actually mentioned it to me. 

Friends and acquaintances have told me how I am strong, and independent, and such and such. Well, I am, most of the time. But, I also had my down. There were also times when I just could not stand that strong, when the wind blown me away, pushing me from where I stood, leaving me down on the ground. 

With my situation right now, honestly, it is so easy for me to get lonely. And when I am lonely, I ended up having unnecessary thoughts. And when I have those unimportant thoughts, I became gloomy.

Of course I do have my brother and my friends who would accompany me from time to time. But they were also living their own lives, and they were not always available for me every time I needed them. 

Sometimes, I felt so pathetic for feeling this way. I mean, I am totally okay with my being right now. I am totally okay by myself. But, there would be times when you let down your guard and became vulnerable. I knew that things were okay, but I did not know it could hurt too, sometimes.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Happy 9th Anniversary, SHINee!

This year, we are celebrating the 9 beautiful years of Onew, Jonghyun, Minho, Key and Taemin as SHINee. At one point, I just can't believe that they have reached the age of 9. But at the same time, I realize I have also been hanging out with my junior high friends for almost 11 years already. I remembered being in the second grade of junior high and I was fangirling over SHINee's "Love Like Oxygen" with a couple of my friends. I am not exaggerating when I said that I literally grew up with SHINee. 

Just like the previous years, I would like to send out my birthday greetings and wishes for the five men who have made my life more colorful. First of all, I am so so proud of SHINee who still stand tall with the original members. No member change, no one leaves, and I truly madly deeply hope that this will last for forever.


I definitely have to thank SM Entertainment for giving each one of them the chance to shine as an individual artist as well as the creativity to mature as a group. For some people, if you watched their interviews or their appearance in the variety shows, you might think that their relationship or very business-y. But I also like to think that it was one of the reasons they can stay together for so long.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Intermezzo // 10 - Bits and Pieces


I have not been writing long posts for sooo long that I feel like my hands are getting a bit rusty. In fact, I might be getting a little bit used to writing shorter texts for Instagram caption ((for my job, fyi)). I even broke my record of writing captions for 75 Instagram posts in one working day ((plus two hours)) since I wanted to take my leave.

Ha, I am also afraid if I lose my sense of writing coherently. I did not want to fall down into a writing block and I honestly have so many things I want to talk write about that I did not know which one should go up first, ha! 

So, here are a couple of life updates while I'm at it, which will also serve as a reminder when I forgot about what I should write.

1. I went to Singapore mainly for Coldplay's concert in the end of March, but ended up falling in love way too much with the ArtScience Museum. I have been brainstorming and planning to break the blog posts into *cough* eight *cough* posts. I know, I know, it sounded so ambitious, but there are so many things I want to talk about from my trip! Hehe, I don't think I can condense it into just one or two posts. 

2. Oh, also, before I went to Singapore, I dyed my hair the colors of rainbow. It was crazy but it was fun. And speaking of, I have not even written about my first hair dye experience. In the meantime, my hair has been faded into random ugly color and I am seriously consider buying the April Skin Turn Up Color Treatment because of this girl on #3

3. Joan Kim! I love her! I watched her vlog almost everyday. I love her vlog style, her personality and her voice. And she honestly inspired me to try out vlog-ing, but I gotta gather up some courage...and...diligence first. It's so inspiring that she can publish a vlog everyday without a miss even during her travel!

4. I previously blogged about the Big Bad Wolf 2016. I went again into the most recent one. And I have been putting it in my draft way too long.

5. I promised to talk about the letters I sent out in the beginning of this year. Some of the letters arrived safely, some others, were lost somewhere over the rainbow ((nope, not my hair)). So, yeah, we'll see.

6. Also, 52 FACE! AAAK! I am still doing it and only skipped one week out of all the weeks so far. But I feel like I am not exploring more yet. Also, I did some easier one like photo journals for most of the weeks. I wanted to do more digital design instead of traditional craft style. I liked them both, but I feel like I need to practice my design again.

7. I feel like I wanted to do a post about money talk. It is a sensitive issue for some, but I wanted to share about my view and my way of managing my financial. Also, I had this really bad habit when it comes to buying stuffs. Not bad bad, but bad good. Ha! You'll see what I mean later.

8. I went to Bandung twice already this year and did not manage to write any of it yet. Not that I did last year. I actually went there many times, but I feel like I never talked about it here. Ha! Maybe, later. Later when?!!

9. There are lots of good music and good movies lately. I really love the songs from PSY and IU's new album. I also really like K.A.R.D and Dean's latest release. For movies, I enjoyed watching "Guardians of the Galaxy" and just watch "Pirates of the Caribbean" two days ago.

10. I went for a picnic in a park near my house area and it was so much fun! Here in Jakarta people tend to go to malls whenever they hangout. So I wanted something fresh and, off the park we go!

11. Did I mention that I like board game? There is this board game cafe in Serpong called The Bunker. My junior high friends and I ((we call ourselves DTIF)) went there for the second time and it did not disappoint! There are so many games to choose from and they have Game Master to explain the rules for us. Whenever we started playing, then we got sucked into the game, no phone, no taking picture, just playing and lots of laughs. Our favorite is Gobbit! It's super fun!

12. SHINee is celebrating their 9th anniversary! Just like last year, I am making a post dedicated to them and I think this one will be up sooner since I did not have to edit any pictures.

13. A couple of days ago, I was reading Design Mom in which she recommended a couple of magazines. I fell in love with this one called Lunch Lady. O-MG, I love the design and the photographs. If only I can read the content inside. Speaking of which, Mag Culture did a (p)review and I just fell in love with the wit writing ((pictured above)). Also, this makes me wanted to create, design, publish and sell my own magazine.

14. I am really torn in between buying my dream laptop or traveling to my dream country. I have been saving money and I can only afford either one. I need the laptop so I can be more productive. My laptop right now is really, really, very slow right now. I can partly blame my laziness on it, hehe. But, I also really want to travel to this country because I have set my heart into it for so so long. Which one do you think should I pick? T-T

15. Last but not least, I am in the middle of a very exciting project with my two college friends. We have been planning for this for about a month and it should be launched anytime soon. We started small but we are hoping that this can become a fun and rewarding side project.

Featured photo by Mag Culture