Menulis Lagi

Halo! Apa kabar?
Semoga kalian semua dalam keadaan baik dan sehat ya.

Menulis lagi. 

Sejujur-jujurnya, saya tidak pernah benar-benar berhenti menulis selama tidak memunculkan diri ke blog ini. Hanya saja, tulisan yang saya selesaikan terlalu personal untuk dipublikasikan, haha. Kalau pun ada yang tidak terlalu personal, semisal tentang travelling atau ulasan film atau musik, tulisannya tidak kunjung selesai. Sepertinya memang lebih mudah menumpahkan isi hati dan emosi yang sebenar-benarnya tanpa filter ya. 

Selain itu, saya juga masih menulis untuk tuntutan pekerjaan kok, entah itu untuk caption singkat di Instagram, materi untuk poster sampai tulisan yang agak panjang. Paling terbaru, kalian bisa cek tulisan saya yang sedikit berhubungan dengan dunia kerja bertajuk: "Appreciation and Gratitude" yang saya dedikasikan untuk rekan-rekan kerja yang luar biasa di kantor. 

Sepanjang tidak menulis di sini, saya pun juga jarang posting Instagram sebenarnya. Bahkan saya pernah menonaktifkan Instagram pribadi selama beberapa saat. Social media detox? Tidak juga sih. Lebih tepatnya, tidak bisa untuk saat ini. Karena bagaimana pun juga, media sosial adalah sumber mata pencaharian saya baik kerja utama ataupun sampingan. Sudah tentu saya harus bertanggung jawab untuk selalu update dengan apa yang terjadi di jagat dunia maya, haha. 

Banyak yang terjadi di tahun 2018. Tadinya saya ingin membuka posting pertama di tahun 2019 dengan semacam kaleidoskop berisikan kejadian apa-apa saja yang terjadi di 2018. Tapi, ada satu tulisan lain yang tidak sabar sekali ingin saya rampungkan dan publikasikan segera. Akan saya update tautannya kalau sudah selesai ya!

Baiklah, sekian dulu sapaan singkatnya. Semoga bisa kembali lagi dengan tulisan yang lebih panjang dan berfaedah. Doakan! :)

Thank You, Kim Jonghyun

Hello everyone.

I did not know how to start this post properly. 

on feeling lonely and being okay with it ((even if you're not))

me, january 2017, selasar sunaryo bandung, picture taken by tania

I remember during one of my visual communication design class back in university, we were having this personal branding project. As part of the brainstorming, we were asked to find some keywords to represent ourselves. 

I remember coming up with words like creative and positive ((thinker)). Since it was kind of an open discussion, my lecturer threw the question to my classmates and asked them how they would describe me.

I remember the only foreigner in our class, who I was not even close with, come up with the word, 'strong' which my lecturer quickly agreed on. 

I remember being so surprised, because for one, he is not a very good English speaker. I thought he was going to say some general adjectives like nice or kind or good. But to have him come up with the term 'strong', truly surprised me. Two, we were not even that close because of the language barrier. But, he seemed to even understand his classmates and surroundings which made me so touched. Three, I could not even think of that word on that time. I did not want to sound like I am boasting or what. I knew I am a tough cookie, but it just did not got into my brain until someone actually mentioned it to me. 

Friends and acquaintances have told me how I am strong, and independent, and such and such. Well, I am, most of the time. But, I also had my down. There were also times when I just could not stand that strong, when the wind blown me away, pushing me from where I stood, leaving me down on the ground. 

With my situation right now, honestly, it is so easy for me to get lonely. And when I am lonely, I ended up having unnecessary thoughts. And when I have those unimportant thoughts, I became gloomy.

Of course I do have my brother and my friends who would accompany me from time to time. But they were also living their own lives, and they were not always available for me every time I needed them. 

Sometimes, I felt so pathetic for feeling this way. I mean, I am totally okay with my being right now. I am totally okay by myself. But, there would be times when you let down your guard and became vulnerable. I knew that things were okay, but I did not know it could hurt too, sometimes.